stone savage

10/26/04 17:33:25

I’ve lived in the South where if it didn’t rain every day people feared a drought was coming. I’ve lived in the North where if it didn’t rain in the fall and in the spring, people feared a drought was coming. I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest where if it didn’t rain every 10 minutes, people feared a drought was coming.

But nothing compares to Southern California, where if it rains at all every meteorologist in the state becomes the star of their very own breaking news-story entitled “STORMWATCH [insert year]". For some reason when the skies open and nature showers us with her raindrops, Southern California goes into a frenzy. I know, for instance, that if it rains on any given day, that I might as well stay at work until 7pm to avoid the inevitable parking lot that’s normally called Interstate 5.

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I’m never surprised, and always annoyed, at how the simple task of driving an automobile becomes rocket science when raindrops appear on someone’s windshield. Acid rain is a real threat to the environment, but it’s got nothing on a Southern California driver who just saw a drop of water hit their windshield.

On a day like today, I always delay my departure from work by an hour… But, like today, sometimes the trickle-down effect (no pun intended) occurs, and every other major highway intersecting with Parking Lot 5 becomes its own sea of brake lights.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating we all drive 65 mph during “inclement weather"… I’m just advocating a re-definition of that which we determine as “inclement". If I can’t get that to fly… I propose we develop a whole new lane on the highways here - the “Rain Lane".

We’ve got the HoV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lane - driving while solo in that lane brings a pretty hefty fine. We’ve even got the ever-popular Truck Lane - with it’s very weird set of commercial laws surrounding it. Why not a Rain Lane?

During rainy days, you must drive only in the Rain Lane unless you are driving no less than 5 miles per hour below the posted speed limit. Every neurotic Californian can happily spend eternity inching their way home while those of us who know what real rain is - and when it poses a danger to driving - can proceed at normal speeds. Fines for violating this rule would go toward paying off the California deficit.

Here, where our population is made up mostly of non-native Californians, I think I could proably win a seat in the legislature on that platform. And if all else fails, I can always pursue a new career - this time in the sciences…

There’s a Nobel Prize for Chemistry awaiting some enterprizing geek who can figure out how it is that California asphalt turns into quicksand when it’s introduced to rainwater. I can personally attest to this miraculous asphalt-to-quicksand metamorphasis, and if you don’t believe me you can sit next to me on my drive home the next time it rains.

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