stone savage

I had a whole rant prepared on why I’m annoyed with some or other political ideal, but I made the mistake of walking through my company’s lobby at around 12:30 P.M. today, and that whole rant was blown away.

You see, we have a “coffee” stand in our lobby, and there was a line of folks who decided to order some Espresso.

[More:]

Have you ever stood in the general vicinity of an Espresso maker while it’s active? The high-pressure required to produce that compact jolt of caffeine-laden glop called “Espresso” screeches and screams at an excruciating 90 decibels.

*blink*

My obvious question is - Why?

Here is the answer - because the “best” Espresso, here in America, is that which is made by use of steam. All the racket we have to hear is the pressure valve letting off some of that “steam"… it’s like a tea-kettle on steroids. So why does that have me in a tizzy? It’s coming, let me work up to it!

California is the land of the “chic", the “nouveaux", and has made a life-style of the word “trendy". It is also place where being a non-conformist means you are a conformist, but that’s a different rant.

Where was I? Oh yes… the glop. While I prefer tea for my caffeine fix, I do understand that the vast majority of Americans prefer coffee. Fine. I have no problem with that. Coffee smells good and doesn’t burst my eardrums when it’s being made.

But Espresso is unique. It’s unique for the very reason that I flipped out in the elevator when some guy, bearing his cup of glop, stepped in with his buddy and began talking about how he “can’t stand the taste” of the Espresso, but he really needed that “jolt of super-caffeine".

Do you think it was rude of me to inform him that the process of making Espresso results in a less-caffeinated beverage than coffee? The surprised stare quickly gave way to silent defiance as the man continued to sip his glop.

In California you aren’t “allowed” to smoke a cigarette in a restaurant, a bar, nor even on a State beach for fear of causing another person some sort of second-hand medical harm. Well, where the hell are all the activists trying to oust publicly located Espresso machines in their hurry to protect my ears from harm?

Watching some guy stand in line for his trendy cup of glop that will bring him less caffeine satiation than the free cup of coffee in the break-room just irritates me. Listening to that god-forsaken machine trying to circumvent my ears by way of direct cranial-cavity reverberation has me convinced that the people who drink this stuff are some very sick and sadistic people.

Paying $5.00 for an inferior cup of not-as-much-caffeine that you don’t even like, and waiting for it to be “made” whilst standing within a couple of feet of a machine belting out 90 decibels of drag-your-fingernails-across-the-chalkboard noise… all because you think you’re going to get a better jolt of caffeine…

It’s got to be a conspiracy - there is no other reasonable explanation!

Either the Columbians are preparing for their mass invasion, preparing to convince us that the louder the machine is, the better the Espresso will be…

or

The coffe-stand employee, the guy on the elevator, and his pals are all “in” on some private party that makes it “look” like they are paying for a coffee-like drink - but in reality they’re just overgrown fraternity boys who think it’s funny to annoy the rest of us.

It’s one or the other. If it’s the latter, that explains a lot about this State… if it’s the former it would explain Juan Valdez’ evil grin.

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