stone savage

“I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.” - J.D. Salinger

Do you ever think people are just a little too pessimistic for their own good? I do. I think some are just more honest about it than others.

For example… I’ve been lost and received directions, I’ve been in a broken down car and had someone call for a tow-truck, and I always am thankful when someone opens a door for me while I’m struggling with packages. The kindness of strangers is an interesting and wonderful thing.

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What motivates people to help one person and not another, or to be grateful of one person’s kindness while being creeped out with someone else’s generosity?

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately, and I’ve come to the conclusion that people are just entirely too paranoid to understand that kindness is a gift and that a gift doesn’t have to come with negative connotation. Now, to be sure, there are times when someone might try to use kindness as a tool to manipulate someone’s sense of gratitude… but, I think that’s the exception rather than the rule.

I freely admit that I tend to be a bit naive about the darker side of humanity’s motivation, but then I don’t really feel a need to think that any one person is any more or less forgivable for short-comings than any other. If I spent my time worrying that someone was going to fail to be perfect to my expectations, I’d never find anyone worth knowing. I rather think it’s silly to worry about such things, so I generally just accept that someone’s not going to be perfect or that they’ll fail me in some way, and I decided upon entering into the friendship that it would be okay if it happened.

It’s just too dark a place to be waiting on the edge of disappointment. The only perfect person I’ve ever heard of died some 2000 years ago, so I think it’s a bit daft to expect anyone to never fall short of an expectation. I guess I just don’t see why it matters.

It’s one thing to question the motivation of someone who has proven themselves to be unworthy of trust. It’s another thing to automatically assume someone’s unworthy. Is there really some reason for why it’s better to assume people are bad until they prove themselves to be good? Can someone enlighten me on this issue?

The more I think on this, the more I realize that no matter how kind, gentle, giving, caring, selfless, or humble a person might be… there will always be doubt in the minds of others. No wonder Christ was crucified! So much of all that story makes sense when you consider it in these terms. We can freely accept, even embrace, the known jerk or known eccentric… but accept and embrace a genuinely kind and giving person? That’s just crazy! Surely there is good reason to distrust this person, just wait a little longer and you’ll see…

*sighs*

I just can’t muster up the pessimism. There’s enough pain and suffering in the world around us, and I just don’t need to add to it by assuming the worst of every person or situation. If someone’s motivation is to harm me in some way, I generally come to the realization without ever suffering more than a lesson-learned. For good or bad, I find interactions with others always worth the time and effort. To do otherwise seems, to me, a sad and lonely way to maneuver through the dance of life. Perhaps my penchant for always being kind to those I meet, going the extra-mile, doing small things, and finding ways to put smiles on faces of friends or strangers has blinded me to the necessity for paranoia.

Maybe that’s why books and movies like Pay It Forward bothered more people than it inspired, and maybe that’s why organizations like Habitat for Humanity, and Doctors Without Borders - and a plethora of other altruistic organizations - face so much distrust. People really can’t imagine being nice to someone without wanting something in return, so getting something for nothing has to be an impossibility.

It’s a curious thing to me that trust is so freely given by those who have the most reason to withhold it, and yet is withheld by those who have the most reason to give it.

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