stone savage

“Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.” ~Author Unknown

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” - Tom Robbins

Ah, yes, the perfect lover! The ever elusive soul-mate! How many of us long to find that certain special someone in whom we believe our destiny will finally be fulfilled?

I say it’s a bunch of hogwash. Oh, I know, it’s just really nice to believe and hope for it. I get it. I really do - and our romance novels, magazines, television shows, and star-filled movies tell us the same thing; there’s a special someone for everyone. Someone for everyone? That implies there is just one person who is meant to be for any other person. I say horsepucky!

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“Accept the pain, cherish the joys, resolve the regrets; then can come the best of benedictions — ‘If I had my life to live over, I’d do it all the same.” - Joan MacIntosh

No lie, when I was twenty-two years old I had a Proactive Mid-Life Crisis. Seriously, I’m not kidding! I remember sitting in a park watching butterflies, ants, and lady bugs when I just happened to look around me and saw a fifty year old man who obviously wanted to believe he was still in his thirties. He looked ridiculous. I watched him for a while wondering what he thought he was really gaining; when I realized all he was doing was trying to feel better about the choices he’s made in life.

It occurred to me - one day I will be in my fifties and I will very likely have a mid-life crisis. One day I will probably look ridiculous trying to seem hip and youthful. I will most likely try to recapture my youth and try to do things I always wished I had done. Now, of course I couldn’t know at the tender age of twenty-two that I would go through such a thing, but based on how many people go through it I figured there was a good enough possibility that I should really give it some thought. I started asking myself what sorts of things might I wish I had done, or done differently, when I looked back over my life in twenty or thirty years.

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“…when a guy’s really into you, he’s coming upstairs.” - Berger, from HBO’s Sex in the City

Does anyone actually want a serious relationship with someone who is not all that into us? I mean, honestly, when is the last time you heard someone ask for that in their boyfriend? I can tell you how often I’ve heard it - never. So shouldn’t we only be dating the ones who actually are interested? The answer is yes - unless we’re talking about Meaningless-Sex-Guy and that’s a whole different article. So, I think the first order of business is to address how it you actually know if a guy is into you. Allow me to share my thoughts…

You know because he makes it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt. You know because he asked you out almost immediately after meeting you. You know because he made the first move before it ever crossed your mind that you might want him to. You know because you don’t have to ask your girlfriends if they think he really “likes you". You know because your phone doesn’t stop ringing. But the ultimate tell-tale sign that a guy is off the market because he’s really into you? He ditches his buddies to be with you.

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