stone savage

“Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.” ~Author Unknown

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” - Tom Robbins

Ah, yes, the perfect lover! The ever elusive soul-mate! How many of us long to find that certain special someone in whom we believe our destiny will finally be fulfilled?

I say it’s a bunch of hogwash. Oh, I know, it’s just really nice to believe and hope for it. I get it. I really do - and our romance novels, magazines, television shows, and star-filled movies tell us the same thing; there’s a special someone for everyone. Someone for everyone? That implies there is just one person who is meant to be for any other person. I say horsepucky!

[More:]

Does anyone honestly believe that they found their destined “soul mate” in the same town in which they happen to live even though there’s more than seven billion people on the planet? Give me a break.

There’s no such thing as a “perfect lover” for you or anyone else. There’s no such thing as that “one person” who is your destined “soul mate". Is there someone better out there for you than the person you have now? You betcha. Does that mean that you should drop what you have now to go find that person? Not only no, but hell no.

What in the world makes you think that just because someone is a better fit for you that it automatically means it will be a better love for you? Soul mates aren’t destined - they’re made. The perfect love isn’t found in the perfect lover, it’s found in the deep loyalty and commitment between any two people who nurture and grow their love together.

What is it with people today that they seriously believe this crap about “there’s someone for everyone". Don’t you know why people say that? They say that for the same reason people say “God moves in mysterious ways". Get it? They say it to comfort themselves or someone else after a negative experience. In other words, they say it to make themselves feel better by providing hope to the person who just go left behind. It’s a myth, just like all the other myths losers propagate to make themselves feel better. Yes, that was harsh but it is true and if you think on it, you will eventually agree.

If you have someone who loves you and in whom you can feel a happiness you hope you never lose - then love that person. When your initial love fades, hold on to the commitment because those feelings will come back fairly quickly if you do. Couples who work through problems together keep growing closer no matter how bad or painful the problems might be. That is how you make your soul-mate, and that is how you make your perfect love.

There is an anecdote about a couple who had been together for fifty years. When asked about how it was that they lasted so long the husband replied without hesitation, “simple, we never fell out of love at the same time.” You see, love isn’t just a feeling. It is also a decision. When you meet someone and you fall head over heels - it’s wonderful. If you’re lucky that phase lasts a long time, but as with all relationships, those initial feelings do go away. When they do too many people believe that means they no longer love each other. What a tragedy!

Love is not a feeling. It is a decision. Desire, infatuation, appreciation, caring, kindness - those are emotions. Love is the decision you make to give your all to your partner. It is the decision you make to honor your partner. It is the decision you make not to give up just because things get difficult. It is the decision you make not to leave just because the emotions fade. It is the decision you make to never exclude your partner in the matters that affect both of you. It is the decision to make sure that as you individually grow, that you make sure your partner is growing with you. When you decide to let a love die - it is a decision, just like how you came together was. Making the “perfect” love is a decision to give all of yourself, to trust, to honor your partner. Sometimes you try with the wrong person, but you always know when you have a “right” one - and then it’s all up to what the two of you choose every day from that point forward to make that true great love.

It comes through hard work, commitment, loyalty, and the intelligence to know that if your partner is willing to be as open and committed as you are - you’re not going to find anything better than that. So chin up, friends, realize that life is short. There isn’t time to dilly dally around trying to figure out if you’re with the “right” person or if you found your “soul mate” at the bookstore. Fat chance.

Learn to realize that your loves are there because you chose those people on your own. You chose to grow the love or abandon it. It was not fate, it was not God, and it most certainly was not the FSM.

Learn to acknowledge your successes and failures. Embrace both without being arrogant and without feeling defeated. It’s all a part of life and learning and without what you are feeling you’d never grow.

Take a look around you, is there someone in your life - right under your nose - with whom you can (or already) have a perfect love and in whom you can create a soul-mate? If so, what are you doing sitting here reading this article? Hop to it already and make us proud.

————————————————————————–