stone savage

“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” - Brooks Atkinson

What an interesting year 2007 turned out to be for me! To give you an idea of the insanity, allow me to share with you what the last 365 days were like for me:

I drove across the half-country twice; successfully delivered and managed some of the most grueling and challenging projects of my career; survived my worst emotional pain; dealt with deep relationship issues; quit smoking; endured unimaginable anxiety; completely redefined bonded friendships; bought my first house; changed jobs… and the hits just kept on coming!
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I would be glad to see this year go except that I learned some time ago to be thankful for the lessons Life gives me. Every lesson learned is a lesson I do not have to repeat - and there is not a single lesson from this year I ever want to face again.

So, I figured instead of my usual sappy approach to the New Year’s holiday I will share with you the major theme of my lessons this year:

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1) Never go somewhere, leave somewhere, or avoid somewhere just because of a relationship or situation. You are allowed to make this mistake once in your life as a freebie; after that you deserve what you get. If you haven’t made this mistake yet, you have my pity because you will make the mistake eventually - if you reach old age having never done this then shame on you and you might want a DNA test to prove you are human.

2) Keep your mouth shut. Just because you are right about something does not mean anyone else needs to know it. Speaking up, pointing out an error, and fixing it will often result in you being either resented for it or asked to head up the project since you are so good at what you do. In either scenario all that does is require a lot more effort than any good indolent person should have to expend.

3) Trust your instincts. If your spidey-sense is tingling then trust that there is a reason for it and do not let anyone persuade you otherwise. Few people in your life will know you better than you know yourself and none of them will be people to whom you are related, so if you are not being questioned by one of those other people - go with your gut.

4) Love is not enough. It is not enough to love someone. You must want to love someone the way they deserve to be loved. If you love them and do not wish to - then walk away and let yourself hurt rather than causing the other person to also hurt.

If you do not want to love them, then do not fight to try to want them - you will fail to achieve your goal and will ruin the other person in the process. If you do want to love them and can, however, then do whatever you must to love that person as well as you can. If you cannot do that then learn not to use anyone for your own selfish gain. If you are being used, get out of the situation no matter what your heart or mind says - no one who deserves your love will ever use you.

5) Your emotion is irrational. No matter how wonderful or horrific the emotion is, in the end it is always irrational. Knowing that is half the battle in any struggle with fear; the other half is made up of having the honesty to admit you are afraid and the bravery to keep yourself going in spite of it.

6) Quit smoking today. It is worth it. Trust me.

7) Friends who cannot or will not be your friend do not deserve your friendship. Period. Do not fool yourself into believing otherwise. Either they do not wish to be your friend or do not know how to be, but in either case you are the one who will be left out in the cold. Either they will refuse to be the sort of friend you are to them, or they will fail you out of their own ignorance, or they will simply be incapable of being the friend you need. It is irrelevant whether it is in on purpose or not; remove them from your life or remove your life from them.

8) Buying is better than renting, but only when you are ready for it. Be careful why you buy. If you need to get your life together so you can buy, then start that process because it will be worth it to be able to do it when you are ready than to have to wait until your life catches up with your ability to be ready.

9) No job is worth your unhappiness. Ever. There is always someone somewhere willing to pay you more for what you do. If you have not yet figured out how easy it is to find a new employer, learn it. You will find a freedom few others enjoy and you will always be paid more money by leaving and going somewhere new than you will by trying to be a “company man” and working your way up inside of a single company (and I can vouch for that that first-hand).

10) Allow people to be less than you think they are. If you expect perfection you will be forever disappointed. If you cannot distinguish between truth, fiction, and fantasy and your ideas and ideals change based upon the people you know rather than the truths you know - then you need to find out who you are before you damage people in your life.

These are just the 10 major areas my year has touched upon through my various experiences. The specifics do not matter and in fifteen years will probably not even be remembered, so they are not worth mentioning here - but the lessons learned, and the reasons for why they needed to be learned will stay with me for the rest of my life.